


If You Were Here

by dboys



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Sad, how tf do i tag this, i am literal trash please throw me away, i cried while writing it idfk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-02-23
Packaged: 2018-03-14 17:05:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3418667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dboys/pseuds/dboys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oikawa didn't know— couldn't remember— why he did it either, or why he didn't leave a note. It was stupid of him. All of this was stupid of him. He just realized too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Were Here

**Author's Note:**

> I am trash please forgive me
> 
> this is not how i wanted to introduce myself to the hq!! fanfic community

The world around him was spinning. What was happening? What was going on?

Oikawa wanted to scream, yell out for help, but he was frozen. Just... Sat there... Watching blood ooze out everywhere...

He gripped his own hair tightly, pulling as tears and snot dripped down his face. Before he knew it, Oikawa was falling to his knees, making inhuman noises.

 _Fuck, fuck, **fuck!** What can I do? _ He thought to himself.

Nothing.

There was nothing he could do.

Nothing but sit there and watch.

Watch the life that had once been his own vanish before his eyes. What happened? Did someone murder him? Oikawa couldn't remember anything past losing consciousness and waking up next to his own dying body.

Where was he, even?

Were there wounds?

He couldn't get up to find out.

After a few seconds he heard yelling.

"OIKAWA!" The voice screamed. Loud footsteps pounded their way towards him, sounding panicked.

A spikey haired boy sprinted up to his body, falling to his knees immediately.

Then he realized that the spikey-haired boy was Iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi Hajime.

His best friend.

His crush.

His Iwa-chan...

"Oohhh my god, what the fuck happened?" Iwaizumi said through tears as he propped Oikawa's head onto his lap.

He took his pulse. "No..." He muttered. He tried again. "No, no, no, no, NO! OIKAWA WHAT'D YOU DO?!" He screamed as he cradled Oikawa's body.

Iwaizumi's mouth fell open when he pulled back his hand, full of blood.

"God-fucking-damn-it Oikawa what the fuck did you do?" Iwaizumi sobbed as he pulled out his phone. He dialed a number that Oikawa couldn't make out, he guessed it was the emergency hotline.

"Hello?" He said, voice slurred. "My friend... Something happened, I-I don't know what to do and—"

He stopped as the other line talked.

Iwaizumi's voice was shaking, making his next lines barely understandable. "He- he isn't breathing and..." He let out a sob as he peered around himself. His mouth fell open again and his eyes looked dead, probably numb. "I think... I think he jumped off our school building..."

The operator said a few more things and Iwaizumi ended up giving them the location.

After he was finished he dropped his phone and touched his head to Oikawa's.

"Why?" He whispered. "Why?!" He said a bit louder. "WHY, OIKAWA, GOD DAMN IT WHY?" Iwaizumi was screaming at this point, sobbing uncontrollably.

Oikawa wished he could answer him...

His old teammates and coach came rushing, surrounding Oikawa's body still in Iwaizumi's arms.

They asked what happened, just as panicked as Iwaizumi had been upon finding him.

All Iwaizumi could do was point to the school building.

The team connected the dots. Some started to cry, some just ran away, some were shocked into silence.

Iwaizumi started to wheeze with his sobs. Oikawa had never seen him cry.

-

-

Almost everyone he knew attended his funeral.

Some of the people he didn't even recognize.

Iwaizumi stood next to the casket the entire time. He would swallow heavily and you could see his Adam's apple bobbing from time to time but he kept his composure well.

The entire Karasuno team came up together.

Upon stopping in front of the casket, Sawamura and Sugawara went to say a few words to Iwaizumi. Both of them giving him a hug.

He had only seen Iwaizumi give someone a hug once.

Oikawa was that someone.

Kageyama didn't even last a minute. He closed his eyes tight before turning on his heel and walking away, hands shoved in pockets, head down. He had no doubt his little kouhai was about to wander into the restroom and cry.

Other teams came. Even Nekoma showed up. Even though Oikawa had only played against their team once in a practice match.

Iwaizumi got so many hugs that day.

So many people shed so many tears that day.

What broke his heart even more was when he saw his nephew come up. Along with his sister and brother-in-law and his parents. They were all messes except for his father, who was stoic as always.

That was the limit for Iwaizumi, apparently. He started crying as Oikawa's mother went in to give him a hug. She patted his back and made quiet "shh" noises,but he could see tears flowing down her face as well.

Next came the actual service. A few of his family members spoke. Saying that Oikawa was a good kid, smart too. That he was so devoted to volleyball that sometimes that's what he did all day, would even skip meals so he could continue to practice.

Last was Iwaizumi.

"Oikawa Tooru," He swallowed heavily and closed his eyes for a moment before continuing. "Was my best friend— still is my best friend. That will never change. I remember..." He sniffled and someone walked up to offer him a tissue which he quietly took. "I remember when we were little and would play outside. We would go bug hunting until it started to go dark. Then Oikawa would suggest that we wait and look at the sky to see if aliens would come." He laughed lightly. "That kid was crazy, impulsive, arrogant, and attention seeking. I loved every single part of him.

"I was— and still am— in love with Oikawa Tooru." He looked to Oikawa's family. "I wish I could have told him that, I was going to tell him that after graduation. But obviously- obviously my timing is poor. Or maybe his is," Iwaizumi wiped a tear away. "We'll never know now. He was strong. One of the strongest people I knew. I don't know why he did it. He didn't even leave a fucking—sorry for cursing—note." He was staring at the ground and gripping his hair.

Iwaizumi was in love with Oikawa. Oikawa was in love with Iwaizumi.

He fucked up. He fucked up big time, but he couldn't undo what had already been done. This isn't one of those battles you could recover from.

Oikawa didn't know— couldn't remember— why he did it either, or why he didn't leave a note. It was stupid of him. All of this was stupid of him. He just realized too late.

-

-

Three years passed.

He watched everyone who cried become stronger. Mostly Iwaizumi.

Always Iwaizumi.

He was always by his side. Oikawa wanted to say it was like he never left but... That'd be a lie.

Oikawa got to watch Iwaizumi get accepted into the school of his dreams. That would have been the moment the two smiled at each other. It was after graduation. They could have been dating and had a celebratory kiss.

Instead, he rushed into the family room where his mother, father, and brothers cheered, his little siblings attacking his legs and almost causing him to fall.

That was the first time he saw Iwaizumi laugh since he found Oikawa.

Through his first year at uni, Oikawa cheered Iwaizumi on with enthusiasm.

Iwaizumi was getting better. He had made friends in uni and actually got to share a dorm with Sawamura from Karasuno. The two had been accepted into the school with a volleyball scholarship.

Most of Iwaizumi's lectures were boring, Oikawa went to them with him anyways.

It was unfair. It was unfair that Oikawa got to spend literally every second with Iwaizumi while the only time Iwaizumi could see his face was through a picture. That meant often, because the background of his phone was a picture of Oikawa. If he were alive, he would have teased Iwaizumi for being sappy. He would have taken his phone and taken a picture of the two of them together and made that his background instead.

But the picture Iwaizumi had, was his high school second year school picture, it was growing older. Year by year the picture would be outdated. What would he have looked like right now? He couldn't tell  Oikawa wasn't able to see his face, or any part of himself, in mirrors anymore.

In Iwaizumi's third year of uni, he met a girl.

Oikawa never bothered to learn her name.

All he knew was that he didn't like her. She was whiny, and annoying, and the more he thought about it... She was like Oikawa.

Except more annoying. Way more annoying. Couldn't even compare to Oikawa.

The past two anniversaries of Oikawa's death, Iwaizumi would make Oikawa's favorite meal and go to his grave with a few of their mutual friends. After they finished eating they would toss the volleyball around, and when they got tired the would sit down and tell stories. It made Oikawa feel warm inside, that people still cared this much about him.

Year three, his death anniversary was approaching.

"Remember how I told you about my friend who died a few years ago?" He asked one evening while he was hanging out with his girlfriend.

_You better not invite her to come with you to my grave._

"Mhm," She answered with a disinterested look on her face.

"Well," He intertwined their fingers. "The anniversary of his death is coming up this Tuesday, so I was going to—"

"You are not going!" She yelled, snatching her hand away and standing up. "We already have plans that day and you are not canceling on me, Hajime!"

She said his name like he was garbage. Iwaizumi didn't deserve this. He deserved so much better.

"But babe—"

"No! You're not going or so god help me—"

"Okay, okay," He said with a lowered voice, trying to calm her down. "I won't go."

She smacked the gum in her mouth and smiled. Stupid. Ugly. Bitchy. Oikawa could go on forever. He didn't know what Iwaizumi saw in her. "Good," Sitting back down again, she kissed his cheek and intertwined their hands again.

Oikawa wanted to throw up.

Tuesday came.

Iwaizumi and The Witch, as Oikawa had started referring to her as, sat in his dorm room, watching Doctor Who.

_That is literally Iwaizumi's least favorite show._

"Hajime, I'm bored." Witch whined, turning off the television and turning her head towards him. She stood up from her seat and went on with straddling Iwaizumi. "I wanna do something else." She grinned with ugly teeth as she placed her hand on his bicep, the other on his neck.

_He literally hates it when people touch his neck._

Iwaizumi smiled the fakest smile Oikawa had ever seen. "Alright, what'd you have in mind?"

She went in and kissed him, all gross and messy. It made Oikawa sick.

He couldn't stand to watch it so he left and wandered around the dorm. Popped in to find Sugawara and Sawamura cuddled up in the dorm lounge, actually watching Doctor Who as well.

He sat there and watched with them, deeming it better than watching Iwaizumi fucking The Witch.

That could have been him.

He thought he had given them enough time. But apparently his time judgement was off, for when we wandered back into the room they were on the bed. The Witch moaning way over the top while she rode Iwaizumi.

He didn't look like he was enjoying it.

That could have been him. He and Iwaizumi could have had a great time.

About a month later Iwaizumi decided he wanted to surprise his girlfriend since it was apparently close to her birthday. He was going to go into her dorm to get some pictures of the two, they were all ugly pictures.

She had given him a key at one point so he could come over whenever.

Iwaizumi thought she was out with friends.

He didn't expect to walk in on her fucking some other guy.

Iwaizumi didn't deserve this.

He didn't cry at that.

No, he went back to his dorm, he didn't even let her try to explain. He just yelled "we're over" and left the scene, immediately blocking her phone number.

Oikawa thought maybe Iwaizumi was as fed up with her as he was.

He didn't want the two to date, but this isn't how he wanted things to end. It hurt Iwaizumi, Oikawa wasn't there to comfort him.

Upon returning back, Sawamura knew better than to ask questions, he just let Iwaizumi plop himself on his bed and roll into a blanket burrito.

"It'd be really nice if you were here right now, Trashikawa."

After that day, Iwaizumi wasn't himself.

Oikawa couldn't pinpoint why, all he knew was that it wasn't from the breakup.

His eyes were always swollen from lack of sleep, his permanent scowl turned into a permanent frown. He just looked miserable.

From what Oikawa saw, his grades began to drop considerably. This went on for a few weeks.

It all came to an end when his grades were so low and then he failed his exams.

First they kicked him off the volleyball team.

He just didn't _care_ anymore.

After that semester, Iwaizumi dropped out if university. His parents were understanding, they let him stay with them.

He got a job at the local convenience store.

It lasted for a month before he got fired.

Iwaizumi had snapped at a customer who was being difficult.

The conversation went like this:

"Just sell me the god damned alcohol I'm obviously above the drinking age!"

" _Please Ma'am, I am required to id you._ "

"I don't have my fucking id on me!"

"Well either come back later and get your precious alcohol or just leave and never come back at all. I prefer the second option."

"Whatever. Fine. You can just go fucking kill yourself."

Which was when he snapped.

As she stomped away he grabbed one of the glass bottles out of the six pack of beer and threw it at her. It hit her in the head and smashed when it hit the ground, she fell into the glass shards.

His manager came rushing out at the commotion, he was fired on sight.

Iwaizumi ran, just ran and ran until he literally fell over.

Oikawa wanted to hug him so bad, tell him everything would be okay. That wasn't certain though. But he hated the way Iwaizumi had been. Wished he could be there for him.

Iwaizumi yelled, letting out all his bottled up stress, and hurt, and frustration.

"TOORU WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?" He screamed, curling over, punching the ground.

Within those three years, Oikawa never tried to say a word. Never had the courage to.

Finally he just saw Iwaizumi hurting so bad he couldn't stand it anymore.

"Hajime, I'm right here!"

And then he wasn't.

Oikawa was stuck in a void of white, he couldn't see anything no matter where he looked. It was like he was drowning in light.

"HAJIME!" He screamed, beginning to cry.

He needed to get back, he needed to make sure Iwaizumi was okay. He needed to...

Oikawa closed his eyes so he could scream louder and when he opened them, he was surrounded by videos and pictures. They were all Oikawa's memories.

Then two doorways appeared in front of him.

They both had labels above, one saying "REINCARNATION" the other "HEAVEN OR HELL".

Oikawa was breathing heavily, what was he supposed to do?

"Hajime I need your help..." He whispered through a sob.

Then he looked around again, each memory was of Iwaizumi, his smiling face, his angry face. His crying face.

His face when he found Oikawa...

"I need to find you again..." He muttered. This time yelling. "HAJIME I WILL FIND YOU AGAIN!"

Without much more thinking Oikawa started running and threw himself into the "REINCARNATION" door, venturing off into oblivion, hoping for the best.

 

**Author's Note:**

> the door thingy was briefly inspired by death parade....
> 
> Anyways, thanks for reading i'm sorry that it was awful 
> 
> idek if it was actually sad, i just cried because i wrote it between 2 and 5am and tried to act out the whole thing
> 
> if you still deem me worthy of being in the hq!! fandom my tumblr is [hqhaikyuu](http://hqhaikyuu.tumblr.com/) follow for a good time bc i am iwaoi trash


End file.
